Reader matter:
we met a guy online who life 500 miles out. He’s 34 and I also’m 53. The guy did let me know he’d a girl he dated “locally” and therefore he was only on the internet site selecting buddies. 3 months afterwards we noticed we thoughts for every other.
Meanwhile, he still indicates he is having issues together with his girl, who’s not some body he is “dating” locally. He is living with her plus they’ve already been collectively for four many years.
I finally made the decision we had to meet up to find out if this was worth pursuing. He gave me the primary reason the guy didn’t consider it had been straight to do so while he was still together with her. I finally offered him an ultimatum and told him i possibly couldn’t perform 2nd fiddle. The guy professed their love but mentioned he was really perplexed.
Carry out I give him ultimatum, its this lady or me? Was we wrong to inquire of him to manufacture that decision?
-Nancy (Florida)
Dr Wendy Walsh’s Answer:
Oh Nancy, Nancy, Nancy! You typed in my experience for honesty, correct? Really, could you be sitting yourself down? Because right here will come a honey container of truth.
You may be staying in dream land, my precious lady. You haven’t also came across this individual exactly who may end up being a guy and exactly who might or might not have a girlfriend.
We highly recommend you will find the documentary “Catfish” (available on iTunes and Netflix) about an on-line love fraud.
But even although you you should not do that, let’s assume for a moment he is in fact which he states he or she is and ignore the fact the guy started composing for your requirements by sleeping about their connection condition.
Let’s just check out the alleged basic facts.
A.) He is nearly 20 years more youthful than you.
B.) He is in a life threatening connection.
C.) The guy told you right from the start he is only looking to end up being friends.
Thus I ask you to answer, the reason why do you exposure your own center on such a bad bet?
The question shouldn’t be about providing him an ultimatum, but alternatively, if you allow yourself the love you are entitled to?
If yes, after that it is not the horse you need to drive in to the sunset with. Operate, woman!
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